A letter to my son, on your birthday
Happy
Birthday, Son. I know it’s been a
while. I hope you are doing ok. I miss
you every day. 22 years ago today I
watched you come in to this world. You
were a happy baby, and we laughed a lot when you were young. Our laughter didn’t last long enough,
though.
I know we
have both struggled through life. It
seems the hand that we have been dealt is a tough one at times. Some of the things I learned from my dad
about relationships, well, they stink quite frankly. And I admit, many times I have failed.
My dad left
when I was 8. He was my hero. He babied me a lot, and my brothers and
sisters hated me for it. I cried for 2
years looking out the window for him to come back. He never did.
I swore that I would never do that to a child, so even though your
mother and I divorced when you were 4, I fought to stay a part of your life. It was hard.
To this date, it was the hardest thing I have ever tried to do, and ultimately,
I failed.
Your
brothers miss you, and so does Summer. We
talk about you often, and laugh about things you used to do. Like the time when you were in
kiddie-college, and were afraid that bats were attacking you; or the time when
you took a picture of the preacher on a youth trip when he was asleep in the
van and drooling…that was funny.
Bradley is
tall, like you. His voice is deep. He is
in 8th grade now, and he has his first girlfriend, Emily. She’s a 10th grade girl from
church. I kinda wish you were around to
help with that, because I sure as heck don’t know what to do. Tyler is, well, he’s just Tyler. He is just like me when I was 12, except he
has his dad around. I remind them a lot how
lucky they are to have their mom and dad.
Although I know you have had a family unit, I think you understand what
I mean. It’s just not the same.
I hear you
are a rock star now. Lead singer in a
band. Funny thing is that’s what I
always secretly wanted to be. Anyone who
has known me for long knows I like Hard Rock music, so I guess there’s
something you got from your old man.
Good luck with that. George
Thorogood’s “Get a haircut, and get a real job” comes to mind. His parents tried to discourage him, but he
stuck with it. I hope you “hit the big
time”.
I’m a
preacher now. I know, many of my “friends”
laughed too. But my family never
did. And my Christian brothers and
sisters never have, and they encourage me every single day to be my best. You see, if it’s one thing I have needed most
in my life, it has been forgiveness. I
have messed up so many times. At one
point, I thought I was beyond forgiveness, but I learned better than that. It’s never too late, until you die.
The Bible says
that once you enjoy the forgiveness that God gives, your desire is to tell
it. That’s why they call the Gospel the “Good
News”. After all of the mistakes I’ve
made in life, including the one’s I made with you, I can still “call on the
name of the Lord” and be saved. That’s
in the Bible, but I am not preaching to you, son. I just pray that for you, every day. I am asking forgiveness from you though. I don’t know exactly how, or for what, other
than failing you at times and being a crummy dad. I tried. I know I failed.
Maybe we can
talk soon. I hope your birthday is awesome,
because you are an awesome guy and you deserve it.
I love you,
have never stopped loving you, and always will love you.
Happy
Birthday,
Your Dad
423-421-2851..my
number hasn’t changed.
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